The Explanation

I got permission to write about what I alluded to yesterday. Some of you might have known my friend as well.  Kary, from: died this past Saturday. Kary and I became the best blogging friends over the years.  We shared a love of our Teddy's, Halloween, Fall and cooking.  We emailed back and forth so much each day it became just the natural thing to do.  We almost burned up the wires watching the Casey Anthony trial.  Last September, she was diagnosed with bladder cancer. As much as the two of us talked, she never wanted to talk much about her illness.  She made very light of it and when I asked questions, she always gave me vague answers. She did chemo,surgery and more chemo. She said everything was going fine. We had both started decorating for Halloween and I was sure she was on the road to recovery.  I last heard from her on Friday when she told me she was running to the store and would write as soon as she returned.  After a couple days, I opened my computer to send her a "give her hell" text about scaring me by not writing.   Can you imagine my shock when I saw an email from her husband, John, telling me she died.  I am still having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the fact that she is gone. I feel like someone has shot a hole through me. I honestly had no clue how sick she was.  John has agreed to leave her blog up in case you want to stop by and leave condolences. Right now, condolences are about the only thing that can make anyone who loved her feel better.  I sure am going to miss my friend forever.  If there is one good thing I can say, she died at home with her beloved John, Teddy, and her kitties by her side.


Melissa Gilbert said…
I've been reading your blog for a very long time, but I don't usually comment. I wanted to comment today, though, because I wanted to say that I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I wish you and her family and friend peace and comfort in the days to come.
jody said…
ohhhhhh :( thinking of you and all who loved her...
Cascade Quilts said…
so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. My husband's dad also passed away from bladder cancer.... not directly from the cancer, but from a blood clot to his lungs caused by the cancer surgery :(
Barbara F. said…
I did not know her but I just visited her blog and her last post is about a gift you sent her last fall, a
beautiful sign. xo
Creepy Glowbugg said…
I am so saddened by your words today. I am so sorry for your loss. It is palpable.

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

Hugs to you,
So sorry for your loss. And for her husband's, and all her friends, both in RL and on the Net.

Gentle hugs,
We will all miss Kary so very much. I loved her blog and her little emails to me over the past year or so. Our thoughts and prayers are with John and her family.
Anonymous said…
It is tough to loose a good friend like that! Time doesn't heal all wounds but one gets used to it so that it doesn't hurt so much.

So sorry to hear about your friend. I hope you and all who loved her find comfort in loving memories.
Anonymous said…
so so sorry to hear this, take care,
Lois said…
Oh sigh ~ Cancer Sucks. So sorry that you lost your dear friend, and that she lost her battle. Cancer takes way too many of us away from the people and things we love.
Herbalgirl said…
Oh God I just adored her blog. I didn't have any personal relationship with her so I resorted to checking in day after day after day hoping that she would magically reappear. I loved her enthusiasm, her spirit, her love for her Teddy. My deepest condolences to all of you lucky enough to call her a friend.
Tammy said…
I'm ashamed to admit I quit checking her blog this Spring.....I always meant to leave a reply, because I was sure something must have happened, but I didn't want to seem like some crazy stalker chick. Why do we worry so about such things???

I hope John can find some comfort in knowing how much she was loved, even by people who never met her.
Anonymous said…
I am sorry sorry for your loss. You, her husband, family and her friends are all in my thoughts and prayers.


How terribly sad! I am a follower of her blog too but had no idea why she had stopped posting last fall. I feel bad for you, Jaz -- may you find heart's ease. And of course I will go now and leave my condolences for her husband and family on her blog.
Megs said…
Oh, I am sorry for you- it hurts to lose and friend.
Dirgesinger said…
Let te earth be light for her...:(
Candace said…
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. May she rest in peace.
Take care.
Guillaume said…
Again, my condolences, to you and to her family. Cancer is such a horrible disease. Any lethal disease is horrible, but this one is by far the worst. I looked at her blog. I think I commented on it in the past. It is a beautiful blog. I regret not spending more time looking for like minded people in your blog roll. So many lovely people to know. Reading your words about her, she was one.
Laura said…
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

I am thinking of you-

White Spray PAint
Cindi Myers said…
OMG! I am shocked.
I just figured she got busy with other things. I had exchanged a few emails with her when she lost Buddy and then when she was getting Teddy. I tried to help her because I too had lost my soulmate dog. And then she got Teddy. I was so happy for her. Last year when a blogger friend unexpectedly lost her little Dachshund and she was spiraling down into depression, I contacted Kary and she exchanged emails with my friend and helped her through it. I am just shocked.
I didn't know her well but what I did know was a HUGE kind dear heart.
This is so sad but thank you for sharing.
Amanda said…
I am really sorry for your loss...thinking of you and your friend at at this time :(
Barb said…
Blog friends become very real friends!! I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I think those very unexpected deaths are the hardest to understand. It sounds as though she was a very special person.
Michelle said…
I am truly sorry to hear this. I have missed reading her blog since she had taken a break from writing due to her illness. She shared many wonderful stories with me about her childhood and one of her brothers. She will be missed in the blog-o-sphere and everywhere else.
Dog Trot Farm said…
I have been a blogging friend of Kary's for quite sometime. I had no idea she was ill and I am so sadden to learn of her loss. Just recently I had been thinking of Kary, and how much I missed her blog postings. We shared a love of Halloween, our dogs and cats, and New England, as I reside in Maine. I am so sorry you had to deliver us here in blogland the terrible news, but I thank you. Blessings, Julie of Dog Trot Farm.
Janice said…
I am so sad. But,at the same time, glad to know the very upsetting truth. She left many a kind comment on my blog; I wondered what was happening. I liked her and cared about her. Thank you. Now I know.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Jaz. I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and healing vibes to help ease your sadness! :o(
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My just passed from bladder cancer (and inoperable heart failure) on 6/24 and it's just been awful for as much as I have loved him, I miss him. Again, my condolences, you're in my thoughts.
Suzie said…
I read your news yesterday shortly after you posted it, and still can't quite grasp the words to put into print. .I'm stunned, I'm devastated, and I wasn't as close to Kary as you are, so I can only imagine how painful this is for you.

Kary and I not only posted on each other's blog, but occasionally wrote each other little notes. I know how much she adored you, and cherished your friendship.

Months ago, when I asked you if Kary was ok, since she hadn't written, or blog posted, I felt in my gut that something was wrong, but when you told me that everything was ok, she was just taking a break, I respected that, and her privacy. And, I don't fault you for keeping her journey private. You were being the best kind of friend possible. It wasn't your story to tell.

Selfishly, I wish that she had let all of us who were friends with her know, so that we could have sent healing energies and prayers her way, to help her, but I also know that not everyone is comfortable with that kind of attention, and prefer to face their battles quietly, and personally.

As for her not letting you know the extent of her illness, either she was continuing to think positive, that she WAS going to beat this horror, or, that she looked at you as her beacon of light in the middle of dark seas, and didn't want to dim it in any way. You were her respite, her element of lightness and fun. .or normality when the rest of her world was in turmoil.

Unbeknownst to you, you were giving her the greatest gift you could have given her. It was not within your power to make her well, but you did the next best thing by being there for her, making her smile, laugh, and sharing your daily journeys. Giving her the love of good friendship.That is what she wanted, and needed, and you gave it to her in abundance. Keep that in your heart to bring you comfort.

Thank you for sharing this tragic news with us. She was in my thoughts frequently, and I continued to wonder. . .now knowing doesn't bring me comfort, but understanding. She is a very special lady, and will be missed by many more than she ever imagined.

Comforting hugs, my friend
The pair of you sounded like real Kindred Sprits. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend Kary. It had to come as quite a shock, since she kept the details of how sick she was to herself. You need time to process this. It will be hard to move forward, I know. You will miss those daily conversations that had become such an important part of your life. All you can do is let the memories sustain you. And take things one day at a time. You have my deepest sympathy during this difficult time. take care.
My dear GOD, I am so terribly sorry! I don't know what to say..I am just so sorry, Joyce. I just now say the note above and came to find out..
Joyce, I am so very sorry..I didn't know. I just read your post about Kary to my husband. Your letter says so much about our blogging friends and how dear they become to us. My heart goes out to you. Please know I care.
Ashling said…
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the loss to the blogging world. I missed her posts which ended so abruptly last Fall, and was afraid of just such a thing. I'm so sorry you've lost a friend and we've all lost a wonderful blogger...
Anonymous said…
Hi, this is such sad news. I'm so sorry you lost a good friend.
I followed her blog too and missed her posts, but didn't know she was that sick. She stopped writing a year ago, but she was still on my blog list. I'm so sad to hear this.
My thoughts are with you, her family and friends.
luckybunny said…
I just saw this :( I'm so very sorry for your loss and for everyone who loved her. My heart goes out to you completely, sending lots of love from all of us...
Hi Joyce, this is heartbreaking, I've wept since I learned on Sunday evening from Julie.
NanaNor's said…
Hi, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss; it is a loss to so many of us. I got to know Kary from many emails exchanged as well and we talked a lot about cancer(my sister had Ovarian)and the treatments etc. I knew she was thinking of having her bladder removed after the initial surgeries and chemo but hadn't heard much back from her in the past couple of months-and that worried me. I'm thankful that those blogging friends who knew her so well were able to pass this info on. I'm thankful that she is no longer suffering but so saddened because we will all miss her terribly.
Hugs, Noreen
Dear Joyce
I don't know how I missed this,
I am sort of looking for Kary today, I drove by her old house here where there were so many happy times.
The park where we had picnics, her windows where halloween lights glowed and wonderful old pumpkins shined out,
all her beautiful trees and roses that she planted. everything is reminding me of her today.
I'm so glad you were always there for her.